I'll be worthy to stand

"The battle rages on in the shadow of another day, it's harder to be strong when so many here have lost their way.  I will give and I'll fight just to hold on to one ray of light.  I will not despair, I will listen for the masters call I will be prepared I'll be ready to surrender all.  I will go, I will do.  Be the witness that I promised you, I will give all that I have.  Put my heart in heavens hands.  I'll defend the cause of truth in every land I'll be worthy to STAND."

This beautiful song had been my motto for the past couple of months.  In October of 2012 during the LDS General Conference.  Our beloved prophet made a beautiful announcement that the age of young men and young women missionaries was being lowered,  Young men could now go at 18 and young women could now go at 19.  Just a couple days before I had been talking to my best friend about how I did not feel like I was really going anywhere, how I needed a change in my life.  I was going to college and working but i felt like at that time I had a greater purpose.  When the announcement came I was thrilled but also terrified out of my mind.  I prayed and pondered if I should go for about 2 weeks, I knew all along what the answer was.  I WOULD BE SERVING A MISSION!! This is the best decision I have made so far in my life.  I'm the happiest I have ever been. 

The day of me to open my mission call came shortly after.  Many friends and family came to support me and watch me open my call.  It was a very exciting day.  When I first got my call to North Carolina I'm not going to lie I was a little disappointed.  I really wanted to go foreign to some exotic place; I started to question a lot about why I was going on a mission.  I was in a really low place when my dad asked me a question that changed everything.  "If you care so much about where you are serving, are you going for the right reasons?"  Talk about a humbling and thoughtful question that could only come from a father concerned about his child.  In some ways I know Heavenly Father would be asking me that same question.  I fervently prayed and asked Heavenly Father to help me understand why I got called to North Carolina and to have a love for serving wherever I go.  After several days of prayer my answer came.  I went with my singles ward to temple square, while we were in the temple visitor center I ran into 3 Sister Missionaries who were all from North Carolina, from the exact same area I will be serving in.  They told me that I would love it there, the people, the food, and how beautiful the area was.  I know the world would see this as a coincidence but I know Heavenly Father does answers prayers, and truly was looking out for me in my time of need.  He wants me to go on a mission.  I will and have accepted his call and am so excited to leave in 4 short days on my mission!

"Never underestimate the purpose of a trial.  The works of Christ will be made manifest in your life.  It is through adversity that we experience the sweetest parts of the atonement.  Enduring our trials allows us to experience healing power of Jesus Christ."

College life :]

I am officially a COLLEGE student!! I go to Utah Valley University and even though some people think its a trash school, where all the wanna-be's go to its really not I have met some of the most amazing people. My degree is pre nursing, right now I'm working on my pre req classes in order to make it into the nursing program. I reallly am living a dream I have had this dream of becoming a nurse and working with sick children. Whenever college gets tough, and I think I have too much homework I just think about the days when I will be able to add just a little sunshine into some little childs world, and help those who can't help themselves. College is just so great! I love it even though I have to come to school an hour early in order to get a decent parking spot, and walking and sometimes running to my classes to be on time. I'm in love... I love all the amazing people I have met there, people just walk right up to you and talk to you. There are no cliques.. well not that I have seen. I love how the boys act like gentlemen, its such a breath of fresh air. One day when I came in late to my math class because I have a class clear across the freeway then math class back at UVU campus.. anyways I walked in and there were no desks left so I was forced to sit on the floor which I was totally fine with except for the fact I was wearing a skirt. So this sweet guy said do you want my desk and it was the sweetest thing! I have only been to college for 2 weeks and I have already learned so much, not only intelectually but about myself personally. I've realized that not everyone is going to like me, I've realized that I need to let go of past issues and move forward with life, I've learned that I'm perfectly imperfect, I've learned that I need to love people for who they are not who I want them to be, I've learned that you can find friends in the strangest places, and I've learned that I need to be more grateful for everyone in my life!! So here's to you guys: my family, my friends, my professors, my newly found friends, and My loving Heavenly Father. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know that I would not be at this wonderful place in life without any of them. I love you. And I'm grateful for college!!! Boo ya!!! Cheers to the freaking weekend!! :):)

Favorite things about summer ;)

- Graduating High School finally

- Summer nights

- Dates

- Fun moments with my girls

- Dancing in Disneyland

- Yummy BBQ's

- New summer movies coming out

- Fireworks

- Star gazing

- Rodeos

- Parades

- Smores

- Singles Ward

- Swimming

- Road Trips

- Summer Clothes

- Working out

- Flip Flop tan lines

- Boys :)

- Bachelorette

- Fresh Fruit

- Bonfires

- Camping Trips

- Boating

I love everything about summer!! I wish it could be summer all year long!! :)

My HERO'S

High School is almost over, and I have been really reflecting on a lot of things. I want to recognize the many hero's in my life who have shaped me into the Women I am. Thank you from the Bottom of my heart! I love you.

#1 My Savior Jesus Christ, and my loving Heavenly Father, I would be no where without them. Through my many many sleepless nights, prayers, moments of quiet reflection I do know that they live. They have stuck by me constantly. I am proud to be a daughter of God.

#2 My parents have been through many many trials. They have overcome loosing a child, being in serious financial trouble, and many other tough things, but looking at them now you would never know. My beautiful mother has a bubbly personality. She works so hard to keep our family running smoothly. She is the best mother a child could ask for. She never complains, she has a strong testimony of the gospel. She can always make me laugh, and she hates going shopping, but goes with me anyway. I love you mom, you are so so special to me and I can't imagine life without you. Dad... Lets just say that me and him are completely the same sometimes it is a little scary. We have the same exact personality and think exactly the same. My dad has always been a hard worker, even from the time he was a little boy. He has an incredible testimony of the Church, and honestly look up to him so much. I love you Dad, with all my heart. My parents are who to thank. I love you with my all!!

#3 Siblings Collin, Carson, and Shanna I love you all so much. Collin you have always been an amazing example to me, you have overcome so much. Look at you now you have a beautiful wife and 2 baby girls. I know we tease each other often and you will always look at me as your "baby sister" I want you to know that I truly love you!! Your an amazing brother and I know Carson would be proud. Carson even though your not on Earth with me, I know your looking down, I hope your proud of me. I want you to know I am who I am because of you. You are my hero and I can't wait to see you again, and give you a huge hug. I miss you so much, and there is not a day that I don't think of you. I love you big brother!! Shanna, you are the most amazing sister in law ever, I love our talks about boys and all the fun times we have had. You are so beautiful and I'm so glad Collin married you. You are such an amazing example to me, and an amazing mother. I love you!!

#5 My girls,Mckayla Kylee, Misti, Jess, Taylor, and Kilee. You guys are my best pals!! You always seem to make me laugh. Your there when I need to talk to someone. You are my cuddle buddies, my partners in crime. My stay up all night partying and talking girls. You are my heroes I love you all!!

#6 My boys Will Cameron, Justin Holland, Dave, Spencer, Mike, and Chandler. You guys are my rocks. You always seem to make me laugh. You threaten any guys who hurt me, and I love it. I'm going to miss you all so much. You truly are amazing sons of God. I hope you continue on your paths, and serve a mission. I love you boys you truly are my heroes. Never forget it!!

#7 My amazing Family, All of you have helped me from the time I was a baby to know where I'm a grown women. It true what they say, it takes a village to raise a child. I am the girl I am because of the examples that have been set by my family, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins. I love you all, thank you for your support. Your honesty, and your love!!

#8 Leaders, Teachers, and Friends, I know there have been many people who have made an tremendous impact on my life, its impossible to name you all, But thank you for your prayers, your willingness to serve, your patience, and love.

Goodbye Highschool Helloo College!!!

The twelve years of school are finally paying off, in about three in a half weeks! I will be a graduate from American Fork High, class of 2011!! I'm so excited, me and my friends have many fun adventures planned, including a road trip to St. George, and a big sleep over!! I'm excited for college, every aspect of it. I'm going to Utah Valley University, I'm doing the nursing program there, and I'm going to start my pre reqs this fall for it. I'm excited to be a nurse and help those who can't help themselves. My dream job has always been to work at primary children's hospital. I have seen a lot of loss in my life, I wanna help these adorable children cope with their illnesses, and get them feeling better. Another aspect of college I'm looking forward too is the guys!! haha Hello, they are so much more mature, and college is full of young, attractive, single, returned missionaries!! oh ya!! I will also be attending the singles ward, and I am way excited to go. I have learned so much in my senior year, and hope to become a stronger, wiser, more understanding caring loving daugher of my Heavenly Father, for without him everything would be impossible. I'm excited to start this new chapter in my life. It is definitely a bitter sweet one. I will have to say goodbye to dance, goodbye to some friends, and good bye to the easy life! I want to thank anyone who has helped me get to where I am now. Teachers, family, friends, strangers, thank you all!! :) WOO!! Class 2011!!

This I believe.....

The night my big brother died, was must like any other Saturday night. I had just fallen asleep when I woke up to sounds of adults quietly chatting. This was pretty unusual at one a clock in the morning. I got up and went into the kitchen to see what was going on. I saw my mom and dad holding each other, crying. I saw a man whom I did not recognize quietly watching saying, "If you need anything let us know". That's when I knew something was terribly wrong, I recognized him thee dark blue uniform, shiny badge, and a belt with a gun, he was a cop. The words "Carson died in a car wreck" echoed through my innocent twelve year old mind. That's when my other older brother walked in, he started pounding on the ground pleading with no one really at all. "Why, why did this happen"?


The next months and days for my family and I would be a roller coaster of emotions: anger, guilt, sorrow, denial, and depression. Everyday for the next month we would have a house full of people comforting us, cooking for us, and sharing stories about Carson taht we had never known before. We had a whole fridge full of food from caring individuals. In fact our whole front room was full of flowers ad cards from strangers and friends. Many of the cards saying how great Carson was and what an amazing example he had been in the lives of the many people he touched.


One particular day I think a day or two after my brother's death, it's all such a blur to me, a knock came at the door. It was the parents of a girl who had survived inn the car wreck. They came in our home with tear stained eyes and grateful hearts. "Your son saved our daughters life." These amazing words echo through my mind over and over again to this day. Though they did not heal my broken heart immediately at the tie of my brother's death. They slowly made me come to the realization that my brother was a hero. He was a typical teenage boy who got in trouble now and then, liked playing music, and loved flirting with girls. Carson was in my eyes my older brother he was no one special, he was just my brother, but after his death I came to fully realize what an amazing person he had been even at his last moments in this life. It's almost sad in life how we don't really appreciate the things we have until they are taken from us, but I am grateful for my older brother, I'm happy that I was able to celebrate his life and truly see what an amazing boy he was. I believe people can do extraordinary things.


I believe.... that chocolate can cure anything, that patience is a virtue taht is very difficult to master, that though others may not like you like them anyways, that even when life is at its worst having a positive attitude can turn in around, that I can change myself not others to make me happy, that my truest friends are the ones who stand by me even when I'm at my worst, to associate with people who accept me the way that I am with flaws and imperfections, that the atonement will save me if i let it, to forgive and forget, to love thy enemies, and many many more things.

A Clean Slate :)

I now understand more clearly songs such as broken hearted girl, by Beyonce, Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri, and all those other songs that talk about broken hearted lost women. I can honestly say I had my heart broken by the love of my life. He is an incredible guy and feelings change and life happens but loosing someone you've been in love with over another girl is one of the hardest trials I have had to overcome. A broken heart cannot simply be healed by medicine, it takes time and energy and the constant companionship of the Savior, it takes patience and understanding and most importantly forgiveness. I guess no one really knows how difficult it is to heal a broken heart unless they have actually been through it. Today I can say that I am grateful for a broken heart. I am grateful for this trial because I know it is just bringing me closer to finding that one man who completes me the one man who loves me for the girl I am, the man who excepts my flaws and imperfections the man who makes me feel invinsible and thinks I am the most beautiful girl no matter what. I can't wait to look back at this rough time and smile because it only brought me closer to finding you.